Shit! That happened 1,000 years ago!

Book de Klaus

In the history of man there have been only 2 immaculate conceptions. The first being God and the Virgin Mary and the birth of their son, Jesus. The second was Satan and the Virgin Erica and the birth of their son, Santa. On the anniversary of his birth, there were always a great number of unexplained deaths and murders. This day became known as the day of slayings. Eventually, Christianity spread and when the day of the slayings arrived, townspeople would have a mass of Christ, or "Christ Mass". There they prayed to their lord for protection. In the beginning of the 11th century, one of God's angels took the form of man and descended from heaven.

He encountered the young, ill-tempered Santa not far from his home. Santa was ice fishing with the little people, the elves, on a frozen lake. Knowing the son of Satan was a gambling sort, the angel challenged him to a contest. The contest was a simple one. Who could slide a rock across the lake and land it closest to the ice fishing hole with out the rock falling in. If Santa won, he would deliver the confident old manto his father for an eternity of pain and suffering. If the old man won the contest, Santa would not only have to cease the day of slayings for the next 1000 years, but also have to turn the day of slayings into a day of joy.

Santa thought this was as close to a sure wager as could be, there was no way a mere mortal was going to be able to defeat him in anything.

Santa was so sure of himself that he went first. His rock landed as close as it could possibly be to the hole without going in it.

The old man's rock skidded slowly along....and it came to rest touching Santa's rock with just enough momentum to push Santa's stone over into the hole. The old man had won.

But take my advice...it's been 1,000 years coming this Christmas...I'd be a little careful what I'd ask Santa for this year.

Parties

The other night I went to a party. I went with a friend, but she ran off to leave me standing alone-sandwiched between people who were busy talking with someone else. I found myself wishing I was a bit more drunk so that I could enjoy myself a little. This wasn't a traditional, good friends, hanging out party that I normally enjoy. It was a baseball player meat market. A room full of drunken Junior-Senior baseball players sitting around getting wasted while the freshmen girls parade around them, telling eachother how cute they look and how much they luv eachother. I chose to spell love , l-u-v, for a reason- two reasons...1 I see these girls on facebook constantly telling eachother how much they "luv" eachother--drives me fuckin nuts and 2 its not actually really friendship love- its a "I don't trust you- I would totally sleep with that guy you like- I tell everyone about that secret stuff you tell me but we look cute hugging don't we" love.
These girls won't learn for another year or two that its not worth the trouble of prancing around in their cutest little outfits for a bunch of meat-headed jackoffs who will hang all over them one night and jump to their best friend the next. Actually, who am I kidding? Some of them will never learn...but hopefully, they will be blond and tan enough to land themselves a jock husband so they can be his brainless arm candy forever...he has friends if he ever desires to have a good conversation.
Do I sound bitter? I suppose I could be, but not because of jealousy. It's because I've seen this happen to many girls in the last 3 years I've been at college. It's depressing really- to see this meat market happen...all of these young girls flaunting their bodies hoping to land someone high on the social structure...someone who is rich or has a nice body...It's really depressing. Needless to say, I usually stay away from those parties. But the other night I gave in and decided to attend one--after about 10 minutes, I left. I left feeling very lonely. Do you ever have those nights when you want to talk to someone- really talk to someone? I have lots of friends that I can talk to but a person you can really click with i very rare.
I realized while at the party that I had no desire to talk to anyone- I didn't even want to try because I was sure that they had nothing of value to say to me. I was probably right, but it got me thinking. Am I the strange one? I mean, I know I'm a little cynical and quiet, but why is it so hard for me to find someone to carry on a conversation with? Given most of these people at the party only wanted to talk about who was going to have sex with who and who was the drunkest the other night, I still felt as though I should have been able to converse with these people.
But I found myself at the point of total exhaustion of talking to someone who wouldn't find my sarcastic humor funny anyway, so I left the party.
I wonder if anyone just talks anymore. No holds barred- straight up- this is me- no bullshit- talking. I dont even know if I have the guts to do it. Well, if you are out there, anyone who reads this and yearns for conversation as much as I do, let me know.